March: Sex Positivism
If I were to tell you that I want to open up about my sexual hardships and desires, some of you would think "girl, please keep it to yourself" while others might think "girl, please do tell because I have to talk about my experiences too". This is one example of the difference between sex-positivism and sex negativism.
Sex positivism is the idea that sex and sexual pleasure is an individual experience that is different for everyone and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. It is the belief that anything goes as long as it happens between two (or more :D) consenting adults. There is no room for shaming fetishes, penis, breast, or butt sizes, body hair, or what one might like (or not like) in the bedroom. Understanding that sex is different for everyone and that sex can be confusing, painful, fun af, scary, satisfying and shameful.
For women's history month, making Sex-Positivism our theme is both professional and personal for me. Professional because I know the benefits that come from making sex as normal as it actually is by talking about it. For example, according to Sex and Relationship Coach Pam Costa, some of the benefits that come with talking about sex is an increase in sexual function by 20%, an increase in desire by 16%, an increase in arousal by 26%, and a decline in distress about sex by almost 30%. Ultimately, sexual pleasure and information stand right in line with medical, mental, and family care.
Talking about sex can make it easier for kids to talk to their parents about sex and vice versa. It might make the conversation between patients and doctors more honest and less stressful. And is it crazy to think that sexual abuse and assault might become easier to report if sex was easier to talk about? If we communicate so well about sex that all of our shame around it falls away?
I advocate for sex-positivity because, first of all, it is the reason we are all here. Sex is THAT natural and normal LOL. Secondly, there are a lot of us out here in this world which means there is a lot of undealt with trauma, family issues, lack of self-confidence, and diverse upbringings, beliefs, and values. We simply have to make room the same way we would like room made for us and all of our freakishness should we do something insanely crazy like express what we like and don't when it comes to sex with the very people we are having sex with.
My personal stake in starting a conversation about Sex on Loyal Nana is that I know first hand how frustrating, depressing, and painful it could be to not be able to talk about sex with your partner, parents, or friends. I also know the joy, clarity, and pleasure that comes with being able to.
As usual, we will come upon this topic with stories, humor, art, and of course information. Follow us on Instagram to be the first to know about our stories, to be the first to laugh at our memes, and to be the first to snatch up a spot for our very intimate series of monthly conversations starting with our Sex talk this month. Visit LoyalNana.com for more on everything.
Founder of Loyal Nana