I Had a Miscarriage
The topic of children is one I am always open to having. What I am not open to is judgement toward women who decide not have and women who do. The decision (yes, it is a decision) to have children is one that a mother and father or mother and father to-be make together. If the father is not involved, it is the matter of the woman alone because she will be growing this little human in her for more than half of a year. One of the biggest mistakes we make as a society is thinking that womanhood is only full or complete by motherhood. If you decide to not have children or are unable to, you are not less of a woman, your life is NOT empty because you did not have a child. There is no special power that unlocks in you that is essential to enjoying this life you have been gifted if you have a child. Yes, there is something special inside of you that unlocks when you become a mother according to my extensive research but it is not essential in life.
Today I came across this beyond beautiful, well curated and deeply moving Instagram account about a woman's miscarriage, babies, mothers, and women; @IHadAMiscarriage curated by Dr. Jessica Zucker.
Opening up so publicly about an experience so unforgettable and life changing as a miscarriage is courageous and I wanted to take this time to start the conversation about children, millennials, young and single parents, old child-less folks, couples in long term relationships without babies and everything in between here on Loyal Nana.
I've never had a miscarriage, an abortion nor have I ever been pregnant but the feeling I got while thumbing through @IHadAMiscarriage IG account was worth sharing. I felt as though this might be the most beautiful and important thing in life. Why don't I have a baby yet? Am I too late? Should I have one? Is it fun? Will I love it as much as these other mothers have come to love motherhood?
But the truth is I don't know if I want to have children. I grew up without my parents for most of my life and I am not quite sure what it means to have a parent let alone be one but that is not the reason I am unsure about having children. My partner and I talk about it often because we understand it is important, however, I always come back around to "not right now." I am 28 years old and feel like I have a career to push forward (2 careers if I count my partners), countries to see, mistakes to make, little sisters to help raise, etc. But that is not why I am unsure if I want to have children.
I don't think there is a specific reason I am not 100% sure about having children and the fact that there is no reason is actually enough reason. Maybe I sound selfish to those of you have figured out how to manage your life and dreams AND raise a baby but I don't mind because that is not far from the truth. When I am a little less selfish, maybe I will thinking about bring a life into this world and making sure i put him/her first. In the meantime, lets talk...
Do you have kids? Did you decide not to have children? How do you feel about it? How does your family respond? Are you considering or have adopted? Please share your thoughts and experience with us. Leave a comment below to start the conversation or shoot us an email at Loyalnana@gmail.com